The “I Dids” of March

I jokingly told Derek that this would be the title of this month’s blog.  I have done so much during the month of March that The “I Dids” of March seems to hold just the right amount of humor and boasting.   It seems appropriate that the bulk of these activities took place after the 15th, when the true Ides of March lands.  

As Derek recently wrote to me, “And who could ever have dreamed we’d be where we are now?  Married, living in South Africa, living the life that many can only dream of, full of God’s favour, overflowing with gratitude, insanely content...”

And so this blog entry is a little bit of a brag tempered with just the right amount of gratitude.   I am truly so grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given to enjoy Africa for a second time round.  So many things of significance have happened while we have been here and many of those occurred in March.  So here goes...

We started the month with many glorious, sun-filled hours of beach time and some relaxing time at home, knowing that as the month progressed we were going to be run off our feet.  When you live in Durban, it is a shame not take advantage of the beautiful beaches while you can.  Two out of the five Saturdays in March, Derek and I packed the car and headed to the beach where we spent the better part of the day reading and just soaking up the African sun. Whenever possible, we’d pop down to the beachfront for a walk after work, too, just to enjoy the sea breeze and the waning day.

Derek and I both turned 41 within a week of each other.  I had the privilege of spoiling him first.  The house was filled with balloons and laughter as some of his closest friends joined us for a meal and Derek’s favorite dessert, carrot cake.  I bought him the most romantic movie ever made: “March of the Penguins.”  Romantic, you ask?  Why, yes!  Because penguins mate for life, you see...  or so I thought.  Two things came to light when we watched the movie together.   Number one: I should be more careful when buying DVDs.  I inadvertently bought the French version with English subtitles.  My loving husband’s response to this little error?  “This is great!  I can practice my French.”  Number two: Within the first two minutes of the movie it is revealed that penguins mate “for a season”.  Dang!  Not quite as romantic as I thought!  I’ve since discovered that most penguins do mate for life, with the exception of the Emperor Penguin, who finds a new mate each year.  Phew!  Romantic gift redeemed!  (Sort of!)

41 is the new 30!

The day before my birthday found Derek and I heading to South African Home Affairs.  We were able to get our marriage registered and walked out holding a South African marriage certificate proclaiming that I was now officially Mrs. Delmar on the South African Population Registry.  We were both almost giddy about seeing my name in print.   

Before the month was up, I received my permanent South African passport.  What was going to take a year to get through the consulate in Toronto took a mere two weeks here in SA.  Now I am officially Mrs. Delmar on a travel document.

After celebrating the second birthday in our home for the month, (I’ve already blogged previously about my incredible 41st birthday so I won’t belabor the point that I was royally spoiled by my amazing husband), we flew to Johannesburg to visit very good friends of Derek’s (and now mine, too!).   Willie and Ginny used to live in Durban but have since relocated to Johannesburg.  They watched our wedding online and shortly after we arrived in SA, Willie contacted us to say that they would fly us to Joburg as their wedding present so that they could meet me and spend time with us.  What an incredible gift from an extraordinary couple.  We spent a fantastic weekend with them and their two beautiful kids, whom I would have gladly taken home with us.  (Derek figures we should make our own, though!)  

While we were there, my best friend from high school joined us for lunch.  What a reunion!  Sharon is as beautiful as ever, both inside and out, and it felt as if no time at all had passed since we last saw each other face to face some twenty-five odd years ago.   A second reunion happened at the airport just before we left to return to Durban.  Carol and Clive, family friends for over 40 years, met us for coffee and a quick catch up.  What a joy to see them!  We are now scheming a return trip to Joburg before we wing our way back to Canada.

Willie & Ginny

Carol & Clive

Sharon & I back in 1988

2012

Next adventure:  Krista arrived for a visit!  I had been looking forward to seeing my friend for months.  In fact, as soon as she knew I was going to be in South Africa, she started planning a trip south of the equator.  We packed as much as was humanly possible into the ten days she was with us.  She and I spent her first day in Africa at the Mangwanani Spa.  Seven different spa treatments and eight hours of pampering later, we were exfoliated, massaged, oiled up and ready to face the rest of our adventure.  A day visit to Tala Private Game Reserve and the Bird of Prey Sanctuary followed where we were treated to close up views of rhino, wildebeest, warthog, ostrich, impala and more.  

We explored some highlights of Durban and then hopped on a plane to Cape Town (the Mother City) for a long weekend get-away.  What an amazing city!  We started the weekend with sundowners at Llandudno Beach and then experienced gale force winds of up to 87km/hour at Signal point overlooking the city.  We ended the weekend with a trip to the top of Table Mountain and sandwiched trips to Stellenbosch, Fish Hoek, Camps Bay, Simonstown, Boulders Beach, the Cape of Good Hope and half a dozen other places in between.  I think our tour guide (Derek) managed to show us more of Cape Town and surrounding area in three days than most people see in four weeks.  

View of Cape Town from Table Mountain

Upon our return to Durban, we spent an evening to remember with Sadi, our Turkish friend from Istanbul who now works with Derek here and whom Krista and I met when we were on our ill-fated tour through Turkey where I was robbed blind and then “rescued” by my husband-to-be.  Isn’t it funny how life works out?  The four of us have now met on two continents.  Our next dinner date is planned for Canada!

No sooner had my dear friend left, that my uncle and cousin from Missouri arrived to spend the night before heading home to the States.  I hadn’t seen my Uncle Wes or Brendan for over 20 years.  I still remember the days when I used to have to hide my flavored Chapstick from Brendan to keep him from eating it.  Back then he was known to all of us as “Choppy.”   Now he is a respected surgeon!  We spent a lovely few hours catching up and reacquainting ourselves with each other before I took them to the airport the next afternoon.  

Choppy, Chrissy and Uncle Wes

And for our final adventure, we spent a weekend in a lovely private game reserve called Lake Eland.   In spite of it pouring rain the first day we were there, we managed to fit in several activities:  two game drives (one rainy, one sunny), two walks across the Oribi Gorge on a narrow suspense bridge (one rainy, one sunny), a mountain bike ride through the game reserve (Can life get any better than biking where kudu, eland, blesbok, zebra and impala wander the trails alongside you?) and an incredible zip-lining adventure that included 14 different platforms and a total of over 4 km of zip-lining.  At one point we zipped across the Oribi Gorge, over 300 meters in the air, 680 meters across and approaching speeds between 75 to 100 km an hour.  The sign on the platform read, "I laugh in the face of danger."  What a rush!  And the best part of the weekend?  Sharing it with our friends, Gert and Annelize.  

And so the month of March is past and we have moved on to April, which was full of it’s own adventures.  As I post this, I am sitting in a hotel room in Nairobi, having just returned from an incredible African Safari in the Masai Mara.  Life is a grand adventure!

Birthdays: It's All About Perspective

My new nephew, Gabriel, with a special message for his
favourite old Great Aunt

I hate birthdays.  It’s not just the wrinkles or the saggy neck skin or the grey hair. (Speaking of which, I pulled out a long one last week.  Derek says it was blonde, but I think he was just trying to comfort me.) Birthdays are a depressing reminder of the many things I haven’t accomplished yet.  Last year I turned 40.  It was shocking.  I dreaded the inevitable and complained about the perils of becoming ancient to anyone who would listen.  Did you know that on the eve of your fortieth birthday your body releases a hormone that tells your eyes to start needing bifocals?  It’s a scientific fact.  Okay, so I made that up, but I did read a recent article in Discovery Magazine entitled, “What to Expect as You Age.”  The article included a diagram of the human body with arrows pointing to various parts along with a description of how each part was going to disintegrate as you aged.  I found it extremely disturbing.  Here are just a few of the harrowing facts:

The heart muscle becomes less efficient.  Blood vessels lose their elasticity and hardened fatty deposits may form on the inner walls of arteries.  High blood pressure is common.  I felt mine rising as I read this article.  The mouth will feel dry as the gums slowly and painfully recede.  The teeth you still have left in your gaping mouth will be more vulnerable to decay and infection.  They will darken in color and become more brittle.  Eating your favorite foods will become a thing of the past as your diet slowly but systematically gets reduced to mushed vegetables and pureed meats.  Good thing your sense of smell and taste will already be non-existent at this point.  Eyes will produce fewer tears as the retinas thin and the lenses become less clear.  This means you won’t even be able cry yourself to sleep at night as you mourn the passing of your youth. Hearing will dim.  It will become especially hard to hear high frequencies in a crowded room.  This explains why old men are content to spend more quiet nights at home with their wives.  It’s not that the nagging has stopped.  They simply can’t hear it anymore. Losing weight will be more difficult.  Muscle mass decreases.  Fat increases.  Bones actually shrink and become less dense.  They break more easily.  You will see yourself getting flabbier every day in the mirror, but be unable to exercise to halt the horrifying excess that is your rapidly growing body.  Skin becomes thinner, drier and less elastic.  Along with baseball caps, stamps and old napkins, you will begin to collect age spots, wrinkles and skin tags.  To top it off, muscles become less flexible.  You will become uncoordinated.  Somehow, this lack of coordination extends to the wardrobe of the elderly, too.  

The bad news is that if you take medication for any of these ailments or supplements to combat the signs of aging, the side effect is often severe constipation.  Ironically, as your body stops all regular bowel movements, it increases the frequency of urination. Aging involves some parts drying up while other parts start to leak.  The good news is that as your memory becomes less efficient, it takes longer to learn new things or even remember familiar names and words.  How is this a good thing, you ask?  Quite frankly, you won’t remember how good you had it before you got old.  

This year, as I approached my 41st birthday, these depressing thoughts were swirling around in my head.  Although I am in a far better place mentally and emotionally than I was this time last year, I still woke up on the morning of March 13th with a lump in my throat.  

Rolling my old body over, I watched as my husband entered the room with hot coffee, a single red rose nestled on the tray next to it.  The lump in my throat began to thaw.  Then he did something even more beautiful...he unplugged the phone and encouraged me to sleep as long as I wanted.  At 11:30 am, I pried my eyes open and promptly decided to stay in my pajamas indefinitely.  It was my birthday, darn it, and I was allowed to waste it any way I wanted, right? I plodded to the living room where I discovered a gift bag of goodies.  Some of my favorites: microwave popcorn, salt and vinegar Pringles and two different kinds of chocolate.  Does my husband know me well or what?  In the kitchen, I found a bouquet of fresh flowers and more roses scattered strategically throughout the house where I would be sure to see them.  One in the fridge, one in the bathroom, another in my purse and one tucked between the pages of our sharing journal marking his newest entry to me.  I sat on the couch eating Pringles and sighing over the beautiful letter he had written to me. By now the lump of self pity in my throat had almost completely dissolved.

I was still in my nightie at 2:30 when I heard a furtive rustling at the door.  Derek had arrived home early, a rose between his teeth, to take me out to my favorite dessert place for a mid-afternoon treat. We spent the rest of the afternoon just enjoying the pleasure of being together.  

  Another rose was waiting for me on the seat of the car as I climbed in.  We headed towards downtown Durban, stopping on the way to take a photo of the sun as it set over the Indian Ocean.  We walked along North Beach and towards Ushaka Marine World, finally stopping at our destination.  The Cargo Hold is an old cargo steamer which has been converted to a high-end restaurant.  We were seated at a table next to the restaurant’s massive aquarium and ate our meal while several different varieties of fish and shark swam past us in silent procession.   To my great surprise, Derek had invited some guests to join us.  I hadn’t seen my cousin Lawrence in over 25 years and we spent four hours reminiscing about growing up in Africa and catching up on current personal events.  We were meeting each other’s spouses for the first time and there was something poignant and symbolic about that to me.  I am so proud to be Derek’s wife and I could tell that Lawrence and Liezel felt the same way about each other.  I finished off my birthday with a heart full of admiration for my husband and a new appreciation for my family and heritage.  

And a completely lump-free throat. 

I guess it is all about perspective.  My heart muscle may be working a little less efficiently than when I was 21, but my heart itself (previously hardened by disappointment and disillusionment) has grown in its ability to accept and give love.  I’m learning how to harness the power of my mouth for good...to speak words of encouragement and to minister joy to others and to my husband every day.  I’m learning how to laugh when things don’t go exactly according to plan and how to share our love story with others as an example of God’s grace and goodness to two people who have done nothing to deserve it.  My eyes have been opened to the beauty and goodness all around me and I am soaking up the opportunities that have been handed to me.  Opportunities to meet people, see places and do things that I never dreamed possible.  I may soon struggle to hear those high frequencies, but I am learning to hear the still, small voice of God.  I’m also learning to accept who I am and what I look like and to see myself as my darling Derek sees me...as beautiful and valuable and worthy of love.  

Maybe birthdays aren’t a dismal reminder of things left undone.  Perhaps they are a hopeful harbinger of things that can yet be done.  Instead of a time to dwell on the past, they are a chance to appreciate the present and set goals for the future.  It’s taken me 41 years, but maybe I’m finally growing up.  And maybe I’m finally gaining some of that wisdom that’s supposed to come with age.  I hope so.

Enjoying another beautiful African sunset

Liezel and Lawrence

The old lady and her man

Reunion dinner at the Cargo Hold

Friends

It’s been awhile since I wrote on this blog.  This is supposed to be a simple way to keep a lot of people updated as to our whereabouts.  However, the tool only works as well as the tool operator.  So now I am a couple of months behind in my updates.    Derek and I have been spending our time focusing on getting to know each other and getting to know his friends and family better.  The greatest part of this is that “his” friends and family are now “our” friends and family.  Today I am reflecting on those people who have become very important to me in a very short space of time.  Before I left Calgary, my Dad said to me, "And remember to post photos of the people who you are meeting.  We want to know who you are getting to know."  I think my Dad realized long before I did that it is the people who make an adventure, not just the places you adventure into!  

Derek and I have seen many beautiful things since we’ve been in South Africa.  He still has a long list of places he wants to share with me and our remaining time already feels so short.   We’ve seen gorgeous beaches, soaring mountains, game reserves, ostrich farms, the stunning Karoo desert, farmer's markets and the lush tropical paradise that is Durban.  We have plans to visit Cape Town, Johannesburg, the Kruger National Park and places in between.  Every part of South Africa is fascinating and beautiful and exotic.  Everything excites me and nothing has disappointed me so far. 

But the thing that has impressed me the most about South Africa is the people.  I am so amazed at the wonderful people that I have met and who have taken me (and Derek) into their hearts and homes.  I think it says something about the man I have married that he has deliberately surrounded himself with quality friends.  Those same people have just automatically loved me and taken me into their circle of life.   

We are so acutely aware of how short our time is here.  I am already experiencing waves of sadness just thinking about having to leave here soon.  We are hoping that many of our SA friends will one day be able to come and visit us in Canada.  But at the same time, I know that when we say goodbye, there are some we will not see again this side of eternity.  So what do you do when you know a farewell is coming soon?  You make the most of every minute you have right now.  Ideally, that’s how I should be living my life every day regardless, but this African experience has really highlighted the truth of this to me.  Don’t waste a minute on negativity.  Enjoy each moment to the full. Don’t be afraid to try new things...you may not get the same chance again.  Look for the good in others and point it out when you find it.  Tell people how you feel about them.  Don't hold back.  People are desperate for real friendships with real people...genuine people who love them honestly, encourage them consistently and stand with them when they need help.  So here are a few photos of some of the people who have enriched my life these past few months.  I hope I can repay them with many years of friendship, whether we are on the same continent or not.  

Judisha and Panganai from Unilever... Derek has some great
work colleagues who have made an effort to get to know
Derek and I as a couple.  

Rob and Chantal... Rob sold Derek the engagement ring that
he brought with him to Calgary in July.  I have a soft spot in my
heart for him and his wife. What an amazing couple!

Rob, Chantal, Ant, Les, Steve and Zoe...
Derek's premarital counsellors.
Good job, guys!
He is an amazing husband.

Steve and Zoe ... they provided premarital advice for Derek before we
tied the knot and since I've arrived, they have showered us both with love.
Zoe is my Umdloti buddy, my writing mentor and my friend.
What would we do without you two?

Clive and Gen and their little men...Clive made the trip all the way
to Canada to be Derek's best man back in October.
We know we can count on them for anything.  Truly great people.

George and Michelle... George is Derek's "jamming" buddy.  They
often do worship together at church. George has a real heart for people
and a desire to lead them into deeper relationship with God through worship.
Mich picks me up whenever I need a lift and is always encouraging and upbeat.
They are the kind of parents I hope Derek and I can one day aspire to be. 

Gert and Annelize... Gert acted as my personal chauffeur for the first few weeks
that I was here when I was crippled by a fear of driving in this strange city.
Annelize is one of the most open and genuine people I have ever met.  They sometimes
force me out of bed to walk the beach before 6am.  I love them for it after the fact!

Stephan and Wendy.... another pair of newlyweds.  Wendy is an artist and a teacher and Stephan is a
statistician.  Impressive people with huge hearts and huge dreams.  Spending time with them is
like breathing in fresh air.  

Clive, Gen, Lindy and Simi ... Lindy and Simi are quickly becoming
my Tuesday evening "Girl's Movie Night" buddies.
Fabulous women.  I am loving getting to know them both.

Wendy and Zoe humored me by spending hours baking
sugar cookies for Christmas.  Helped me feel a little less
homesick to be able to share one of my Christmas traditions with them.

Daniel, Yolindi and their lovely kids... we spent a wonderfully
relaxing weekend with these friends in Newcastle.  I was instantly
comfortable and felt so welcomed.  Their kids are super and seeing Daniel and
Yolindi interact with them was so inspiring.  Yolindi is in the process
of starting a brand new school.  A huge job, but there is no doubt she will be successful.

Kathy and Tony ... these folks were like parents to Derek when he
rented a room from them some years ago.  They have loved and prayed for
Derek all these years and are still an important part of his (and now my) life.
We spent a weekend with them in December.  Feels like we are due for
another visit!

Two of the best bonuses I got when I joined the Delmar clan... my lovely nieces,
Carey-Lee and Cristen-Lee.  Beautiful women who are becoming
very good friends.  I am so blessed!

And my handsome nephew, Bevan.  Such a great kid!  

My awesome new parents, Dennis and Wendy... Supportive, caring
and encouraging...I couldn't ask for more!  We will be celebrating their
50th wedding anniversary with them this April.  What an incredible
encouragement and inspiration they are to their kids.  

My fantastic new brother and sister... I wish we lived closer to each other
so that we could see each other more often.  Jodi and Graham are both extremely
talented and hard-working.  They've raised three amazing children and
have huge capacity for kindness and generosity.  

Our wonderful friends, Dawn and Bruce...they have supported and
loved Derek for years and now they have effortlessly added me to the
mix.  Comfortable to hang out with and full of love for their kids and for
life.  I was so touched by their kindness and love for us when we saw
them in Port Elizabeth.  So looking forward to a reunion in April!

Carey-Lee and Adrian... Adrian calls me "Tannie", which is Afrikaans for "Aunty".
He and Carey got married just this past year and so Uncle Derek and I are
enjoying getting to know them as the other newlyweds in the family.
Adrian and Carey are so well-suited to each other and I enjoyed
every minute of our time with them, especially hearing the stories
of God's goodness to them over the past few years.

My new cousins, Evie and Keith and their lovely girls...Evie is an extremely
talented artist and Keith does some incredible photography on the side.
Such creative and loving people.  Loved being in their home and sharing
some time with them.  Can't wait to meet their new grandchild and to
share that joy with them, too. 

Sadi... Derek's friend and work colleague from Turkey.  Sadi was there when
Derek "rescued" me back in August of 2010 and we spent an evening
together with Krista Lee in Istanbul.  He is now working here in Durban
alongside Derek and it is great to reconnect with him and to get to know him
on South African soil.  Isn't it incredible how things work out?

Aunty Anita and Uncle Louis ... they opened their home and hearts to us one weekend in
January. What a lovely couple!  They also have a love story that spans many years, just like
Derek and I, so I felt a kind of kinship to them immediately.
Good hearts and wonderful hosts!

Andre and Barbara... my new cousins and friends.  You know how you just
"click" with some people?  This is how I feel about Barbara.  I am just so blessed
to have instant family members who I also know are going to be life-long
friends.  God is good!

These are just some of the people who have impacted my life since I have been here.  

The adventure wouldn't have been half as adventurous without them.

Durban Images

Thought it would be fun to show you all some of the unique things that I have seen in Durban.  One of my new friends, Annelize, keeps asking me, "What's the strangest thing you've seen in South Africa so far?"  Funny enough, I think the answer is her!  Annelize plays underwater hockey at the national level.  She is a very talented player.  I am just amazed that hockey can be played underwater.  Very bizarre to this Canadian!

So here is a small collection of unusual, strange, wonderful and interesting sights I have seen here so far.  I am sure there will be many more to come.

The Durban Underwater Hockey Club ladie's elite team.  Not much to see
on the surface as a spectator; lots going on underneath.
The elite team won top standing in this tournament.
Way to go, Annelize!

Annelize giving a pep talk to the ladies' B team... they went on to win title
of "Most Improved Team".

Road name changes in progress in Durban.  The new signs are placed under the old
and the old names are crossed out.  This is supposed to help locals learn the new names
and helps drivers match their GPS coordinates to the new names if they have an older GPS  system.
The whole name changing procedure has been very controversial here.  At times, disgruntled
Durbanites will use black spray paint to paint over the new name and the city then needs to
start all over again with new signage. 

Momma monkeys carrying babies... we saw a troop of 12 females
carrying their young together. Momma after momma
all in a row crossing the road in front of us.
  Summer must be baby making season in Africa.

Massive shongololo caterpillar at Umdloti.  These creepy crawlies are especially
creepy and crawly.  This one was at least six inches long and still moving, despite
having had its rear end ripped off.  Very disgusting.

Sign of changing times in South Africa... brother and
sister strolling along Umhlanga boardwalk. 

A skateboarding dog sighted at Ushaka Beach.